Get Me Higher

Sitting here criss-cross on my bed with my (dre-beats) headphones on BLASTING all of my favorite jams! As of RIGHT NOW, Jhene - Higher is playing. I LOVE this song, really I love all of her music that she puts out. She was never really a pop music artist because she never got her credit. She came out around the time when B2K had their huge buzz! LMAO you thinking what I'm thinking?? Yea I know!

I'm thinking about my life and actually taking the time to critique it and analyze it a little bit. And damn sure isn't perfect but it's real. Everything I do, I do it because it's going to make some type of difference in my life. No matter what people have to say about me being busy or what-not, I got to do what I got to do, ya know? K, great! I've learned the extremely hard meaning of the saying "YOU CAN'T MAKE EVERYBODY HAPPY." I mean you really can't, like it will NEVER happen!! Trust me!

Warm tears rolling down my face as I begin to look into my baby son's eyes. I can see the love he has for me and that he needs me. And I wonder how he sees me in his eyes. Does he see and feel that I love him so dearly? Am I doing every single thing that I can to provide the best for him? Am I being a wonderful mother? If not, what can I do better? All he does is smile and laugh when he looks at me. Does he not see the pain and hurt I go through? These are the questions that are constantly replaying in my brain.

I love God, he really has TRULY saved my LIFE!! Sometimes I feel like he doesn't hear my cry like it's ME, NOT NOBODY ELSE! But it's normal to feel that way because he never comes when you want him to but he always right ON TIME!

I NEVER wanted something SO BAD and I feel like God is telling me NO in every language possible. Like I shed tears talking and thinking about this, guys. My dream is SO CLOSE I CAN FEEL IT! This is allI ever wanted, and why can't I get it?? Maybe I'm not as ready as I think I am because the Lord always knows what's best for me. But I will tell you guys that I will not stop trying my absolute best to accomplish my dream. MY dreams are BIGGER THAN LIFE ITSELF!! I mean I can't just let them go that easily. I've made so many sacrifices in my life for other people benefits and not mine. Now it's time I really do what I have to do to make it, SUCCESSFULLY!

Well, I'm about to shower up! TTYL
Peace,
Chaily