As I'm working, God spoke to me and told me to follow my dreams with this creative writing. Don't worry about any finance issues or anything, I GOT YOU! So I'm going to finish up school and do my BEST so that I can finally become a college graduate. I love him so freaking much. He always there listening and watching over me. Thankful for his mercy.
On another note, I've always been known to give unworthy people chance after chance. I have a real soft spot in my heart for some people in my life. Life is so hard man! It's like I want to be just like Jesus so bad. I just want him to be pleased of me. So I try EXTREMELY hard to LOVE EVERYONE!! That's hard because people constantly do things that make me out in a bad way. Lately, I've been letting things go and not really getting as mad as I used to. I'm slowly learning that even though people are your family, they can hurt you the most and not even care! I always forgive and forget NOT forgive but still remember because thats stupid. God wants us to forgive AND forget because he does that with us so why wouldn't he expect that from his children, US? Well, he does!
I'm learning to really LOVE one another. The next thing I'm working on is my quick temper because I get so angry to the point where it's just ridiculous. I mean I want people to be able to just look at me and SEE the God in me!! That's all I want. I'm learning that it's ok to rush God because David did that in the bible. He said, "Lord, come quick, come now, it's me!" Sometimes this life can get so hard to the point where you can no longer say sentences to God. Maybe you can only say a few words, it's ok because God is pleased with just you talking to him. The ONLY time it's ok to RUSH God is if you CONTINUE PRAYING IN THE MIDST OF IT ALL!!!!!! Currently I've been rushing God and I've been feeling like he's ignoring me but he's not. Not a day nor hour or minute do I not pray. This trial I'm going through is currently bringing me closer to God and I'm LOVING it. I WILL NOT GIVE UP, those words I tell myself constantly.
What I'm really trying to say is: God wouldn't put you through something he KNEW you wouldn't be able to handle. He knows your limit. Just never lose faith and the feelings of him leaving or ignoring you are normal. Just KEEP PRAYING!!!! I promise things will get better in DUE time.
Sometimes I feel like Marilyn Monroe! I get insecure at times but if you can't handle my worst then you damn sure don't deserve me at my best. I can get real low, don't know which way is up...yea I've been there matter of fact I'm there now. Slowly getting up and standing up on my two feet. So I can get real high like I can NEVER come down. Yea I make mistakes, A MILLION OF THEM like sometimes I feel like I'm at the end of the road. I can only be me, that's all!! I have to keep pushing. I used to always believe that ALL good things fall apart...but truth is NOT all good things have to come to an end.
Seems like there is always something happening over and over again. Like I can't get away from all the hurt and pain, stress and frustration...like something keep pulling me down. Sometimes...I wish I could just step outside of myself and go away from myself!!!!
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